Eyre Affairs

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006



"You have never..." ~ Jane Eyre

Whilst I know its important to never say never, this afternoon I was thinking about things I would never do. It wasn't a moment that depressed me at all. On the contrary, it made me quite content.

I will never go skydiving. Though I fear drowning more than anything else, I can't imagine falling from the sky and my well-being depending on a parachute. I probably wouldn't go scuba diving either. I have seen too many scary movies where oxygen tanks run out and such.

I will never make pate no matter how fancy the cocktail party is that I host. The thought of even chopping up chicken livers makes me queasy. I have a hard enough time touching red meat when in the kitchen; I can't even contemplate dealing with organs.

I will never drive a mini-van. While I admire all of the soccer moms out there in their Dodge Caravans, I think the largest car size I can drive is an SUV. Besides, I do not plan on having a big brood at all. Still, I think I can be a soccer mom and bring the Sunny Delight without having to schlep it to the field in a mini-van.

I will never utter "YUM-O" in my kitchen like Rachel Ray does. Rachel Ray-isms are extremely annoying, as is her show. What on earth is "stoop"? I admit to trying a few of her recipes and liking them, but I wish she wasn't so corny. Lime and I once had an IM conversation that read something like this...
Lime: YES!
TN: What?
Lime: Rachel Ray just burned herself!
TN: YES!


I will never dye my hair blond. It is too dark to consider doing so, anyway. Even if I was contemplating it, which I am not, the Carrie Bradshaw roots have been out of style for a while now. I miss Carrie Bradshaw. I will never look at Sarah Jessica Parker and not think of Carrie Bradshaw.

I will never read a book written by Joan Collins.

I will never eat White Castle hamburgers. Even the biggest foodie I know, J.Sarah, has done this one. I just can't. Chaz chastised me for saying I will never do it. I have never been inside a Taco Bell, either. However, I would love to try a T.B. Chalupa. Those look so good.

I will never ride a bike down an avenue in New York City. Though I have no issues with driving in the city. I love cutting off cabbies. I am fearless once I cross the Midtown Tunnel. I will never lay off my horn when driving in la cite. Its quite a rush.

I will never drink wine out of a box.

I will never change my voter registration card to Republican. I admit that over time I have become a moderate Democrat, but I still love James Carville and I still believe Gore won the 2000 election. That being said, I will never, ever, never vote for Hillary Clinton for president. She is irksome.

I will never pay to see a movie with Tom Cruise in it ever again. I have boycotted him ever since he made his asinine comments about Brooke Shields and refuse to support him at the box office. (Note: I did purchase the Top Gun DVD long before I knew he was a jerk, so watching that movie doesn't count in this particular boycott)

I will never step foot into Fenway Park. If I did, it would be to see them get defeated by the Yankees as I sat in the stands wearing Yankee blue and the number two.

I will never eat lunch in the faculty room. It is a very negative place to be at times, and I avoid it at all costs.

I will never watch a game of golf on TV.

I will never go to a tanning salon. Missy and I did it twice in the months before her wedding. As fun as it was bonding with her and feeling warm while in the "bed," I will never go again.

I will never catch fireflies in a jar. As kids, we just held the fireflies on our fingers until they flew away. As beautiful as they are in a jar, its not right to trap them unless its for a little while and then they are promptly released.

I will never drink a dry martini or eat the olive in the dry martini.

12 Comments:

Blogger ThoughtsGalore said...

LOL...my sweet sweet cheerleader, it's not the Mini Vans we love. Here's the thing. I traded in my Volvo Wagon for a mini van. Yes..I did. You know why? In a MV they sit totally far away from the driver's seat. It's totally possible to hear music above the crying and fighting. Yes..I know...bad mommy. LOL. However, the hubby owns the new SUV and I'm totally ready to ditch my MV for something way better.

What will I do, though. I have the driving and watching the road thing down, with the perfect hand off of goldfish and juicebox behind me. :)
xoxo
C
ps...never ever ever Tom Cruise again. Oh, and I'd make you a christie-tini if you were closer.

9:35 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

TG ~ I never thought of the practicalities involved with a MV. Hmmmm. I am seeing this differently. Can we eat goldfish with a christie-tini? ;)

9:53 PM  
Blogger Charlie Mc said...

I will never vote Republican.

I will never eat deer, rabbit, or any wacky meats.

I will never marry someone for anything other than love.

I will never root against the Yankees.

I will never stop reading Amester's quality writing.

10:46 PM  
Blogger work in progress said...

Wow, I'm with you on almost everything.

My ex-husband once convinced me to eat a White Castle Hamburger-you're making the right choice.

Avoid the Chalupa, as I recall (it's beed a LONG time) they are nothing like they appear in the commercial.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

FYI on the boxed wine...

My mom is a total wine snob and she found one that she actually likes and its.in.a.box. Holy crap. I screamed when I saw it on her counter...

BUT.... It's actually decent. Black Box Wines...just in case you feel like having one less "never" in your life... ;)

9:50 AM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

WIP ~ Thank you for firming up the White Castle never! The chalupa reality makes me sad.

Heathah ~ Imagine if they put wine into little Capri-Sun packets? Talk about a great invention for smuggling booze on the beach. :)

10:01 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I liked a lot of your "nevers" . I applaud your city driving and your Tom Cruise boycott. Ever since he said that about Brooke Sheilds and yelled at Matt Lauer, we are finished. No uterus, no opinion. However, I totally love scuba diving and would probably make pate. Also, I have to say that box wine makes an appearance at my summer party. There are some good ones out there, but we stick to the franzia...*shudders*. Did I mention I live next door to a winery??ha ha *hides my head in shame*.

I'll never pay hundreds of dollars for one pair of jeans.
I'll never change what I want to do to increase the probability that I'll find a man to marry.
I'll never go back to school just to go back to school.

10:24 AM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Kels ~ I loved your nevers, especially the one about marriage. Indeed, boxed wine is certainly a staple at any outdoor summer party these days. ;) I am extremely jealous that you live next to a winery! I would be stealing grapes to make my own, so I guess in the end its better that I don't or I would be incarcerated for grape grabbing.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

I'm with you on the minivan thing, and this froma mother of two athletes, one of them soccer. So I drive them to the games in my cute little convertible, totally impracticle because it only has four seatbelts which means only one of them can ever bring a friend anywhere, but I just DO NOT CARE! I will never have a soccer mom minivan.
But, come on....just try a Whitecastle burger! :) I know it seems gross, buying a frozen hamburger, I KNOW!! But my friend talked me into trying one on St. Patrick's Day and it was GREAT! And it wasn't even my drunken state that convinced me - it was really good!
And yeah, Tom Cruise is out.

1:00 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Steph ~ Ok, I may just try *one* whitecastle burger. :) A convertable, eh? Most excellent!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Whoo-hoo! now you're living large! Todaya Whitecastle burger, tomorrow a dry martini! (Okay, we won't go that far - they're vile)

I also read the post about your grandmother and Frank Sinatra and it brought back such incredible memories of my grandma. She passed away two years ago at 93 and the greates memory I have of her is when my sister and I took her to see Engelbert Humperdink when she was 90 years old. It was the cheesiest thing imaginable, but nothing could ever replace the dreamy look in her eyes or the way she breathlessly asked my sister and I, "Isn't he handsome?" :)

Good for you for grabbing onto those memories with both hands, and recognizing the value of that relationship!

4:24 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Steph ~ That was a sweet story about your grandma and Humperdink. Its so cute how our grandmas had crushes. :)

8:49 PM  

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