Eyre Affairs

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Location: New York, United States

Sunday, November 13, 2005

"I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I were writing my thoughts in a diary." ~ Jane Eyre

Being a baby blogger myself, I spent some time perusing blogs today.

I was not impressed with one of the genres I found.

Perhaps I was clicking on the wrong links; many came from Stephanie's blog. I think hers is excellent and nothing compares to it, but the imitations are horrid. Her copycats seem to have the same theme: I am a single woman in a Big City and I am going to talk about clothes shopping, sex with strangers, boozing with the girls, and complain about men while calling it cathartic when in reality its a self-indulging therapy session with the world.

Get over yourselves, girls.

Here is my advice to you girls (aka "Miss Ingrams" if you have read Bronte's novel). I can't call you women, let alone ladies . Sorry.

1. If you act like a whore, chances are you are a whore. If you keep "kissing" and telling to the world, than chances are he isn't telling you he wants a commitment.

2. The a) messy breakups b) late night drunk dials after messy breakups c) sober dials after messy breakups are all ridiculous. Its broken for a reason, girls. You can either ruin your manicure trying to put it back together OR go get a nice manicure and remember that men are like Essie colors: you can change them each week if you are so inclined.

3. When faced with difficult situations in life, don't whine about it! Learn this mantra: when faced with life's challenges, put on your Jackie O. face and be a strong lady. Granted, don't take the crap she took from a man. However, take with you the fact that she was a better lady without JFK and was a true single cosmopolitan woman without ever needing a man (while raising two children, too!).

4. Quit complaining about your weight. If you really want to do something about it, you would be doing it. If you aren't, than please silence yourself with a Twinkie.

5. If you are identifying yourself via entries about your clothes shopping experiences at Anthropologie and Banana Republic, I recommend that you get a real personal shopper to buy you some self esteem and a little depth.

6. Petty conflicts with girlfriends are so high school. This is your Twenties, not Degrassi Junior High.

7. The commentators in this genre are no better than the bloggers since the commentators ARE bloggers in this genre! They write complete marshmallow fluff just to make sure their links are shown. I don't allow comments because, frankly, I really don't care what you think of my writing. Its not for you, its for me.

8. Dedicating pages and pages to a man who has ISSUES clearly indicates that YOU have issues, too. Honey, issues are what separates the men from the boys. If he has issues, than he hasn't made it out of the sandbox, so be grateful you have the opportunity to leave him digging in sand for something he will never find while you are off to find a man who doesn't play games and doesn't have bulls*** to shovel!!!

9. Please don't mention every alcoholic beverage you drink. Its not only so Bridget Jones wannabe, but it really makes you look like a lush. Oh, drink something else besides a cosmo once in a while?

10. Be a little kinder to your parents, girls. The child-rebel stage is getting very old.

There is my advice to many of you bloggers. Life is too short to wallow in self pity and talk of shallow things. There is too much negativity; be positive. If you don't know how, I suggest you pick up a copy of Jane Eyre and start reading.


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