Eyre Affairs

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Monday, June 12, 2006

The mad lady, who was as cunning as a witch..." ~ Jane Eyre

If Ann Coulter were a character from literature, she would be Lady Macbeth.

If only Miss Coulter would jump from a Dunsinane turret.

Whilst I loathe giving this boorish, boney bimbo any more press, I think that she is extremely amusing and her words can provide hours and hours of laughter.

Yes, I called her a bimbo. She is not a woman, she is definitely not an intelligent woman, and she is certainly not a lady.

Above all else, she is not even a conservative. There are quite a few conservatives whose words and ideals I respect and admire. I repeat, she is not a conservative.

She is a Fascist.

Miss (and I mean Miss with the utmost of sarcasm) Coulter seems to think she is one superior Queen, as is she is a blond haired, blue eyed racist. Is it just me, or does this statement echo the Raven monologue of Lady Macbeth’s?

“Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.”

Without any reverence for the environment or any concerns about global warming, we can indirectly blame Miss Coulter and others with her pathetic attitude for Hurricane Katrina.

Just like Lady Mac, Miss Coulter has no respect for other women. Miss Coulter would have cheered the death of Lady MacDuff. It seems that Miss Coulter wishes that she, just like Lady Macbeth, could be unsexed and transform into a body that was man-like. Except, of course, Miss Coulter already looks like a man. Her lack of food intake makes her flatter than Yao Ming and her big eyes look like Giambi’s when he was on steroids.

"I think [women] should be armed but should not vote...women have no capacity to understand how money is earned.”

I wish I could be armed. I would knock on her door immediately.

Women like Pamela Harriman and Patricia Duff are basically Anna Nicole Smith from the waist down. Let's just call it for what it is. They're whores."

As opposed to you, Miss Coulter, you who are a media whore? You who are nothing better than the Howard Stern of politics? A shock hock? You know, the kind of hock that exists on a jackass?

Miss Coulter is too stupid to see the irony of the statement she made about the Constitution:

"Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."

If it weren’t for that Amendment, I assure you that Miss Coulter would be in jail for scathing hate speech. Clearly in her sick world, only she is allowed to speak. The rest of us should perish for what we think:

“My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building.”

Yes, we can clearly comprehend that Miss Coulter has no appreciation for our Constitution. She cares little about freedom, and she certainly thinks that American citizens are expendable. Miss Coulter seems to be quite an advocate of blowing up buildings; a philosophy she shares with the Al-Qaeda.

Miss Coulter has no respect for soldiers or veterans, just as Lady Macbeth has no respect for her true King, Duncan. Clearly Miss Coulter has not studied the Vietnam War in terms of tactical operations. Then again, she is too dense to understand. I am surprised she didn’t tell WWII vets that, “because of soldiers like you, we didn’t win the war sooner.”

"People like you caused us to lose the war." (to a disabled Vietnam Veteran)

While I would never take anorexia or bulimia lightly, Miss Coulter enjoys tormenting women who suffer from these disorders. Then again, I think that she has a disorder.

"Anorexics never have boyfriends. ... That's one way to know you don't have anorexia: if you have a boyfriend."

For the record, Miss Coulter does NOT have a boyfriend and has been noted by many journalists that she loves pushing food around on her plate. I sense situational irony here; the kind that Shakespeare utilizes so well in his plays. In the play, Lady Macbeth dies without having children. I assure you that Miss Coulter will die one day childless, because no man in their right mind would have sexual relations with her. I wonder if all of her touting about Bill Clinton was jealousy because he was getting sex and she wasn’t?

The lady doth protest too much. (Ooops, wrong Shakespeare Tragedy)

Still, she sounds like a woman scorned. Maybe she had a secret crush on Bill?

Forget washing your hands with all the perfumes of Arabia, Miss Coulter.

Wash out your disgustingly dirty mouth, and go get lost in Birnam Woods.


Blogger Marty said...

I cannot stop laughing! You made my headache go away. I laugh because you are 100% right and Coulter is a waste of space. And because you were so right-on with your comparisons to Lady MacBeth. And because I've never seen you go off on someone like that. Girlfriend, you're becoming one of us that love to rant.

Damn, that was the best post I've read today, hands down. And I read a lot of posts. :>)

4:28 PM  
Blogger David said...

Nice writing, Amy! A perfect analogy and your observations are as erudite, cogent, and sharp as Miss Coulter's are shallow, shrill, and one-note.

You know, I've stopped being surprised by anything Miss Coulter says or does. In fact, if at her next interview with Matt Lauer, she was to suddenly open her mouth and pounce on him, ripping his throat out with her bare teeth, and then, with an evil cackle, unfurl her leathery wings and fly away, I wouldn't bat an eye. And I'm sure the pundits would proclaim. "Oh, that Ann tells it like it is."

But every now and then I get the sneaking suspicion that she may just be an act, like Andy Kaufman's Tony Clifton. She may just be the most subversive liberal ever.

5:21 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Marty ~ I am so glad your headache is gone! As for the ranting, oh it feels so good! Your rants are the best, though, hands down. :)

David ~ I love the imagery of Coulter as a vulture! Brilliant, David, as per usual. I took a breath in when you called her the most subversive liberal. Dammit, you are on to something! Your conspiracy theory rocks.

5:30 PM  
Blogger beachgirl said...

You know, I am a conservative, and I don't really care for Miss Coulter... In the South, there are just some things you might think about but never mention in polite company. That is the sign of a true lady... apparently she missed that day of etiquette class. Along with day they taught little girls about proper hair and make-up... For the love of man, 1986 called, they want their look back!!

As we say down south, I think Miss Coulter has dropped her basket. (In other words, she has gone completely nuts!)

5:41 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

BG ~ I love the term "she dropped her basket!" I don't consider Coulter to be a voice for conservatives; they are way above her ignorance. As for her '86 look, YOU ARE SO RIGHT! She kinda looks like the guitarist from Heart, circa '86! :)

5:49 PM  
Blogger Connie said...

Amy - Brilliant!


Where she calls Joseph McCarthy a great American Patriot ruined by Liberal Myth. Yes. She said it. Can you deal?

I cant.

6:42 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Auto ~ I am honored you visited here. I loved your post! Thanks for the link. I had not heard the McCarthy comment, and the irony is she is pissed that she is blacklisted in New Jersey!

8:03 PM  
Blogger bob said...

speechless, but applauding.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Night Flier said...

Chimmy just did a post about Miss Coulter as well...


I love the comparisons and can't believe she considers herself a journalist! Great Rant! :)

11:53 PM  
Blogger work in progress said...

It occurs to me that this woman never outgrew those toddler years where she yearned for constant attention.

Now she has the ability (as an adult) to make completely awful, ridiculous comments, and in doing so gets LOTS of attention.

She's a sad, sad excuse for a human being, and your post was marvelous. I like it when you rant-you do it so eloquently!

6:59 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I really just cannot stand her. I love the analogy. Great rant!

9:30 AM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Bob ~ Thanks for the applause.

Vixen ~ Indeed, she is quite repetitive!

WIP ~ I think you are right! Something in her childhood spawned her to become...well...a spawn of satan!

Kels ~ I had fun with this anaology! I had a great portrait of Lady Mac, but Blogger has been terrible lately with downloading pictures!

11:31 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

My father is pretty Conservative and he thinks we need to bury her in the backyard.

Great rant!! Well thought out and smart! You should be published!

3:59 PM  
Blogger Barry said...

OK, the first time I think I heard of her, I was watching some news-type show, you know the ones, where they sit around a table drinking coffee, have news blurbs, then flirt with each other on TV.

Anyways, they were making some comment about her saying something about someone dropping dead or something. I mean, I just thought she was another 'mom victim' - you know the ones they love to interview and make like they have more to say than the average person. Ok I am rambling - I didn't know she was an anybody. I guess being in Iraq has its advantages... oh, but I have no clue who Pamela Harriman and Patricia Duff are either.

I must be totally ignorant of what is 'in' nowadays

It was interesting reading though.

2:37 AM  
Blogger Madfoot said...

Fun Fact: Ann Coulter was a Deadhead in college. Just goes to prove my favorite rule: never trust a hippie.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Maurissa said...

I am relieved to know I am not the only one who saw the similarities between Coulter and Lady Macbeth.

I loved your post!

8:14 PM  
Blogger ThursdayNext said...

Madfoot -
That explains it all! She is now permanently having flashbacks because of LSD!

10:40 PM  

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