Eyre Affairs

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Location: New York, United States

Saturday, February 11, 2006

"..and dispatched an invitation." ~ Jane Eyre

Sarah, Dee, and I were drinking beers and eating guacamole (aka "crackamole") in the yard in Sag this past August when I asked, "If you could have a dinner party and invite anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why?"

Sarah chose a dinner party, Dee a cocktail party, and I chose a brunch. I don't remember all of the names, but they are in The Book of the House since I wrote them down that hot and sunny afternoon. It makes me sad that the book only had one summer of records; I had hoped for decades, and I am so saddened by it.

I remember smiling and laughing as the three of us discussed our guests. We broke it up into gender - 4 men and 4 women. I think we established that Dee's cocktail party would be the craziest party of them all. When I see the lists again from that day, I shall reprint them here.

In the meantime, I was thinking about who I would want stuck in a house with during snowstorm for hearty food, hot chocolate, and conversations by a fireplace. We are supposed to get a blizzard tomorrow night, so the idea entered my brain this morning. This is what I came up with...

The Women
1. Maureen Dowd - I enjoy reading her column in the Times and I think that she a talented writer. Although I sometimes don't agree with all of her opinions, she and I are usually on the same wavelength when it comes to politics. I would love nothing more than to make a fresh pot of coffee and discuss the latest happenings in D.C.

2. Queen Elizabeth - Talking to strong women is always inspiring to me, and she would be no exception. Sure, I would like to know the tactics used in defeating the Spanish Armada and what Shakespeare was like as a person, but I also want the more juicy details of her life. I hope she would confide in me about her affairs, especially the Earl of Essex over a bottle of wine.

3. Jane Austen - I would love to have tea with Miss Jane and talk about her writing style. I would ask her how much of herself was put into my favorite heroine of hers, Anne Elliot, of Persuasion. I would then possibly chide her for getting the hopes up of millions of women everywhere that Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy could possibly exist in the world somewhere...and he doesnt! Still, I would show her the 6 hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice; I am sure she would agree that Colin Firth was perfect as her Darcy. Mmmm.

4. Martha Stewart - Martha and I would not sit down to drink anything. Instead, we would go into the kitchen and she would be my guide through a very long and very thorough cooking lesson. She can be as stuffy as she wants. She is Martha. We would sit and enjoy a meal afterwards, and after a few glasses of wine, I hope she would give me some details about her love life at Camp Cupcake.

The Men

1. Ernest Hemingway - Papa Hemingway and I would be drinking lots of Hemingway cocktails. I would ask him questions about his penis complex and find out his reasons for insulting Fitzgerald's penis in A Moveable Feast. I could see Hem and I listening to Jimmy Buffett, downing booze, and talking trash about Gertrude Stein.

2. Abe Lincoln - Abe and I would sit by the fire and we would talk about all of the aspects to Shenk's book. I would explain to him that everyone thinks he is the most amazing president ever, and I would make him a nice pot of chicken soup while we talked about his internal conflicts during the Civil War. A few weeks ago when I was out to drinks with my dad, I asked him that if he could have dinner with anyone dead or alive who would it be? My dad said Abe.

3. Teddy Roosevelt - Teddy and I would have a few pints and talk about his adventures with the Rough Riders. I would try and explain to him that he wouldn't be very popular with PETA today, but that I do love his room of animal skins at Sagamore Hill regardless.

4. William Shakespeare - I would probably have a list of one hundred questions for Will, to which I would completely forgo if he offered to do a sonnet writing workshop with me. No drinking with Will; this is strictly business.

Who would you want to get stuck in a house with during a blizzard?

Some websites for you to peruse during the snowstorm:









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