"After a considerable pause..." ~ Jane Eyre
Sometimes what I desire the most in life is to pause time.
Many artists have tried to do so, especially Spanish painters who captured bodegons.
I stare at a bodegon hanging on the stark white walls of the rotunda of the Guggenheim, desiring the moment to somehow frame itself as Valazquez's sweets have. Despite some past obstacles, and with a certainty of future ones, life is sweet in this particular moment - this moment as I stare into a paused moment in time behind a shoulder I have always loved standing behind.
What then commences is a conscientious effort to frame pieces of the day into my own bodegon because, well, one's bounty can be subjective, can't it? Hence, the next eight hours I work as an artist to try and capture as many stills as I possibly can and imagine my own gallery full of you. A collage of a collection most valuable, indeed.
I see your image reflecting in the glass of one of the paintings, the swimmer, as you walk around the gallery behind me. I push all thoughts swimming in my head of anxiety and wonder away and focus on your definitive profile, unbeknownst to you, admiring its composition. I observe the way your fork rounded the entire crust on the top of the macaroni and cheese at Artisinal and frame you in the middle of the bistro as you smile. (I think of the first meal I ever ate with you at a banquet table in a hall built almost two hundred years ago - another painting from another period) I turn my head around and view the smirk on your face, full chroma, after trying to enter the subway turnstile with me, admiring the angles your cheeks form as they smile. There is asymmetry in the way your eyebrow raised as I ordered a second glass of Nero D'Avola; it remained in the same position for a good hour and a half after that as I am careful to walk down 5th Avenue without giving anything away. The subway ride is made up of various collages, my favorite being our heads tilting to talk to one another admidst the crowded car. I watch you stare at the Egyptian art on the wall of the cafe as you tell me Egyptian art does not impress you, which I find ironic because I would slab build you a Pyramid if you asked me to.
More bodegons followed, more shall follow, but none will ever capture the light I felt being in the dark on this day you were a masterpiece on the canvas of my heart.
posted by ThursdayNext | 2:14 PM
18 Comments:
Bittersweet and beautiful, sad without being maudlin, wistful in the best possible sense. My favorite kind of art. You can go through life simply reacting to stimulus, or you can create art to reflect, and in the process of reflection, your soul goes through a chrysalis. It's a secret that only artists know.
This is the sort of writing that wins awards and breaks hearts. Thank you for sharing.
Completely beautiful post. The longing was felt in waves off my laptop screen. *sigh* Now I want a hug...feeling melancholy.
David ~ Thank you, as always, for your kind words about my writing. In this case I empathize with the artists who have to part with their work - as I sadly have to part with mine for the time being.
Amy ~ Thank you for your words as well. So often I try to blog about joys in life, but in this particular moment, the joy was also melancholy - quite a paradox. I so appreciate you visiting here.
I love it. The perfect example of a piece of writing which illicits an emotional response so finely tweaked between tears of joy or tears of sorrow. Beautiful, like hearing an unexpected familiar song on the radio that strokes your spine and makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. I know why I keep coming here..
Peej
x
This reminds me of...well, I was going to say something witty and brilliant, and my mind just blanked out. I suppose it's early and I need more coffee...ahem. ;-)
so, to sum up, let me just say:
Word.
What creative imagery! It really was beautiful!!
Dear Thursday,
Glad you're back from your little break! Happy and inspirational new year. I am looking forward to reading more of your inspirational posts in 2007. My blog had a little creative update to start the new year on the right foot :-)
/bark bark bark
that's hot (in the non paris hilton sense)
but hot in the specificity of loving someone, something. paying attention. being very present.
a fine fine bodegon.....light and dark carved out of experience. just gorgeous lady jane. gorgeous.
/grrrr
One's bounty can be subjective...and it can change in a heartbeat- as you know.
I realized a few years ago, profoundly, that I was in a season of grace.
At that moment my life was untouched by grief- my family was healthy- my home wonderful- not one bit of despair lurked in a corner- (dust- however, but that is another story! :).
Anyway- I will never forget how badly I wanted to freeze that moment. I stopped what I was doing and wrote a prayer of gratitude...
This piece reminds me of that- though yours is much better written :)
Amy- from there on- it seems that I experience those moments more often...because I took the time to really observe the gifts in my life. And now- knowing there are so many gifts, when a hardship comes along- I still feel it, but it doesn't consume me the way it might have before.
I know- from your words- that your heart treasures all the little things- and the big ones too.
You are a gift...I hope you know that :)
Happy New year :)
Softscrub can be good for removing bodegons without scratching the tile beneath, though in this case there seems to have been more wisdon in viewing than removing.
Well done, despite my gentlemanly discomfiture with some figure in the background I trust was the fictional Rochester. Yet it is good to have imaginary friends... wait, I must go, my Marilyn calls, no, for real...
Peej ~ Thank you, good sir. I appreciate you noticing the juxtaposition I intended for.
Ryane ~ Indeed, I wrote this after many a cup of coffee. I should experiment with my writing post-coffee. I suspect it would be incoherent!
Kels ~ Thank you!
Frumteacher ~ Thanks for your kind words; I love what is going on over at your blog!
K9 ~ I was thinking of you as I wrote, hoping that I would not do any artistic metaphors a disservice since experts are reading! Thank you for your kind words. Indeed, it is light and dark carved out of experience.
Cora ~ Mayden, your words brought me to tears. I don't think that has ever happened here yet, and I am so appreciative of the words you wrote. I am sure that the prayer you wrote is beautifully written. You are right: by observing and relishing in our gifts in life, we can feel a little less pain when hardship comes along. I think George Gershwin knew this, too, when he wrote "They Can't Take that Away from Me." Oh how I love that song...
Percy ~ Nay, this man is no fiction. Nor is he Rochester. I would parallel this man to some of the more upstanding gentleman in Austen's court: Knightly, Wentworth, Bertram.
Lady Jane, you rouse my ire. Or Eyre.
Forthwidth, (meaning immediately and also widely - in generously dashing gesture...) I challenge the imposter to a duel of poesy.
Any subject of thy choosing.
Hopefully he declines, or you decline to deliver the challenge, either from trepidation or failing to see any real point to it. I have but little time for blogging of late and may pen something unworthy of me.
Yet I am bound to guard thine honor, and, I trust - but answer not - thine chastity.
Percy,
You flatter me so very much, sir! Alas, this gentleman could not partake in such a challenge even if he wanted to, for he, an officer, has left, on this very day, for at least two months to a remote area of the south where infantrymen earn their "tab." No phones, computers, nothing. More ingredients to my recipe for sadness of late. However, since you flatter me so, I think I shall flatter you with an adaption of Pride and Prejudice this weekend, Mr. Percy. Cora is going to be Jane and I think K9 shall be Mr. Bingley. Marty is Lydia, and perhaps I shall make Peej Mr. Wickham! Thank you for the inspiration and for cheering me up in a moment I truly needed to be!
Lady Jane
Phew... But glad this challenge may have been of some small use.
If news of my challenge should reach this gentleman and officer, let him know I understand the circumstances of his demurance (?)
And though of a naturally irritable nature, I say let bodegons be bodegons.
/bark bark bark
naturally i had not read PandP and i went and looked up mr. bingley. you are too kind miss lady jane!!! what a pleasant research!
/(soft) grrrr
lovely post.
and now i've learned another new art term. i'm becoming more convinced - this blogging thing is really an art school in disguise - at least this week it is - hahaha!
bodegon on!
Simply beautiful...
xoxo
C
Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous, Amy.
I have missed reading your brilliance.
I hope to get caught back up soon.
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