"And light summer dress from my drawer and put it on..." ~ Jane Eyre

Mute Monday: Summer

Beach Towel
Armenian Shish Kebab
Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
Mango Lassi
Flip Flops
Jimmy Buffett
Kulfi
Sangria
Pedicures
Lobster Roll
Lemon Ice King of Corona

AND NOT SO SILENT SHA LA LA LA'S:

MY FAVORITE SONG OF SUMMER...ENJOY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S JERSEY GIRL (I get teary each time I hear this song): http://youtube.com/watch?v=v4e0WrBsXbE

"Then her soul sat on her lips, and language flowed..." ~ Jane Eyre

My boyfriend and I have both been reflective about the strong components of our relationship of late. I have to say that the connection of creativity is one of the many strong dynamics of our partnership.

Last night we wrote a poem together, in bed, stemming from an exercise of choosing words, writing separate poems, and then combining the two. He said that our poem needs to be edited, but I prefer it in its raw form right now. As for the last stanza, well, after sharing moments like this with him, it is impossible for me to imagine not writing poetry with him for all the days to come...

Missed Pain
by Amy and A.K.J.

Under duress
I allow the light
slowly
through the window pane.

The loss of night.
The loss of you.

Without you I cannot move.
I cannot feel,
I cannot do.

The pleasure I derive wanes.

While the night grants us
another moment,
I still cannot breathe.

And,
without you,
I cannot live.
I cannot be.

For you are finally intertwined with me.

"Consisting of a small mug of coffee..." ~ Jane Eyre

Mute Monday: Aroma

coffee beans,

coffee mug,

espresso,

Armenian coffee (soorj),

french press,

iced coffee,

coffee grinder...

"Though daylight was fading from the leaf..." ~ Jane Eyre


My grandfather John looked a great deal like Joe Torre and, ironically, had his demeanor. He had dark set eyes, a prominent nose, lots of common sense, and a calm exterior. When Torre left the Yankees, I felt my grandfather's death all over again. I watched countless Yankee games with my grandfather with Torre at the helm; the good old days when Jeter was a newbie and Torre was in his glory as a manager. So when Joe left, it was heartbreaking for me on many levels. Thankfully Jeter is still there, a favorite superstar of my grandfather's.

This week I spoke about highlighting the best men in my life. This post is about my grandfather, John. The post is the eulogy I gave at his funeral, seven years ago. I still remember giving it at the funeral home, and I remember miraculously being able to hold it together for his sake.

All of us have been very fortunate that our lives have been lovingly touched by John -----. As a husband, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother-in-law, and friend, he exemplified every special quality a person could have. Though my grandfather may have seemed quiet and introverted to many, he was indeed expressive and outgoing. He shared many stories with me that give a picture of how full and special his life has been. Each story fits a chronological picture of his life.

Born in 1919 in Istanbul, Turkey, he came from a strong Armenian family who survived the Armenian Genocide. Among the first stories told are of how he and his mother, father, and brother moved to Astoria, New York, when he was a year old. As a young boy, he and his brother Steven would play ball on the street on 33rd street until my grandmother Haiganoush would call them in for dinner. The house in Astoria also served as a dental office for my great grandpa, Sarkis, and little did my grandpa know that as a baby, his future wife was being brought to his father’s office for dental work. Growing up in Astoria my grandfather was close to his brother, Steven, and he told stories about the two of them convening at Sam’s Candy Shop where they would see Tony Bennett hanging out. I remember one story that is quintessential in portraying my grandfather’s wonderful sense of humor. Vacationing in the Catskills with my grandma Alice’s family when they were both teenagers, he decided to climb the roof one night and play a practical joke on my grandma and her sisters by scaring them as they were sleeping. In 1941 my grandfather’s sense of duty and honor led him to enlist in the United States Army. There he served during WWII in the Signal Core in North Italy and North Africa with the Fifth Army. If any good was to come out of the bad at this time, it was the beautiful love letters between he and my grandmother. He arrived home from the war in 1945 and married Alice ------ in 1946. They spent 57 years together in a loving marriage. At this time he worked in the photo engraving business, making plates for magazines such as National Geographic. In 1947 my grandparents were blessed with a daughter Liz and in 1952 they were blessed with another daughter, Irene. Other special highlights of the later parts of his life included the building of the Catskill house in 1967, the birth of his granddaughter Missy in 1974, and bringing my sister and I home after our birth in 1978.

The special moments we have shared with him are a testimony as to how deeply he touched our lives. For his wife, Alice, her favorite moment with him was when he proposed to her in a movie theatre. For his daughter, Liz, it was the times she spent with him at their home in the Catskills, swimming, barbecuing, and being together as a family. For his daughter, Irene, it was when she and her friend, Maureen rode their horses to the Catskill house and surprised my grandparents as they trotted through the backyard. For his granddaughter, Robin, it was being a young child in the Catskills and waking him up on the morning by tickling his feet and ringing a cowbell that stood on his dresser. For his granddaughter, Missy, it was riding with him on the tractor as he mowed the lawn at the Catskill house.

For me, it was our Strawberry ice cream nights at the rehabilitation center two years ago where we would pig out on Dove Bars and talk about Joe Torre and the Yankees, laugh together about stories I would tell him, and joke that never-ending joke he and I shared about the sparks I had with my college boyfriend.

I would like to thank everyone who supported my grandfather during this illness. We should all be thankful he is finally in peace and with God. May we all be fortunate to live as long a life as he did. When my Grandfather Krikor died, my English teacher at the time noticed how sad I was and she gave me words of comfort that should be taken to heart for all of us who have lost a loved one. She told me that I did not need to miss him, for he was never truly gone. Every morning when I wake up and look in mirror, he is there inside of me in my spirit and will always be there. The spirits of loved ones we love will always remain inside of us. I wish you all comfort and peace with these thoughts.

And to my grandfather, I know your spirit is here and I know you can hear me. I know you will never leave me or your family. You are in my heart and I will see you again. What I wish to express to you in this moment is best said by Johnny Mercer, who wrote the lyrics to your favorite song, “but I will miss you most of all my darling, when Autumn Leaves start to fall...”

"Dear! dear!" ~ Jane Eyre

This little man has become my biggest joy in my life.

September 1 will mark three years since my mother left a message on my answering machine; it is saved on the machine to this day and I replay it from time to time. Her excited voice cried, "Amy...its seven o'clock...its a BOY!" A day later I sat in the hospital room with my sisters with this little baby boy. Missy had him cradled in her arms, Robin was standing by the bedside, and I was sitting in a chair by the window. We just stared at each other - the sisterhood would never be the same, but in a good way, for here was this little boy touching the dynamics of our sisterhood.

I think my favorite role in life right now is as Maimy. I had tried so hard to teach him the word "aunt," but Maimy became his title for me. He says it so tender and lovingly, though I know when he is one day a teenager he is going to turn it into a term of endearment with a different tone in his voice! Ah, so be it. That is what unconditional love is all about.

I love Jack wholly, but there are parts of him that I also love. For three years old, there is so much to his personality already that makes him adorable beyond his mop of curly hair and scrunchy smile. He is quite gregarious, able to entertain a room with his dancing and singing. He is stubborn like his grandfather and great-grandfather before him. He is polite, saying please and thank you often. He shares with others, and he is very concerned about other children around him. He has a curious personality and a sense of adventure that make playing with him the best times of my week. He has a memory like an elephant, too, reminding me lately that I am getting him a Thomas the Tank Engine wooden play table for his birthday.

The above photo of a deer and a dear was taken just today at a local game farm. I am so fortunate to be the aunt of this child, for all the brightness you see on his face has permeated my life so richly.

"And a good man..." ~ Jane Eyre
Mute Mondays: "Old" Men

Me and my "old man."

Not-so-mute-thoughts: Happy Father's Day to my dear old dad. I am a very fortunate daughter. I do not take for granted that I celebrated this day with him; there are many children out there, my dad included, who are not with their fathers today. What I hope these sons and daughters, such as Luke Russert, remember is that all they need to do is look in the mirror and their fathers are right there inside of them in spirit...so they don't have to miss him so much. This week my posts will be all about aspects of the greatest men in my life.

"My head grew hot..." ~ Jane Eyre

Living on Long Island gives you the best of both worlds in the summertime. I love being thirty minutes away from the beach and forty minutes away from the city. Summer in the city is special despite the heat and grit and thick humidity that clings to each highrise above and below you as you walk the streets.

My cool cat mentioned the other night to this kitty how there is something about the heat of summer that is extremely seductive. I couldnt agree more. I believe that it true between two people in the heat of summer, but I also believe that the city itself, all five boroughs included, becomes so more seductive in the summer.

What I love about summer in the city...

~ The Subway: I know you are thinking that the subway is the worst part about the city in the summer. It is extremely hot on the platforms and people move lethargically as they wait for the trains. This is true. But what is also true is how good the contrast feels once the train starts to arrive. The breeze reaches you and you are beginning the cool down. The car doors open and the moment you step into the car is the moment that feels amazing: the cold air conditioning hits you and it the feeling on your skin tastes as good as an ice pop does on your tongue.

~ Rooftops and Gardens: Eating and drinking on the rooftops of Manhattan is special. There are many rooftop bars, but the rooftops and gardens to dine in are spectacular. Its like a little oasis away from the city hubub. As much as I love al fresco dining on the sidewalks of New York, I do prefer back gardens or upstairs getaways. One of my favorite outdoor garden areas to dine and drink is in Astoria, Queens. Its Cavo, a Greek restaurant with an oasis in the back that makes you feel like you are somewhere outside in Greece as you sip your retsina. A few blocks away likes the Bohemian Beer Garden - an outdoor Oasis with a plethora of pitchers of Pilsner!

~ Museums: They are cool with culture and the best exhibits are always in the summer months when the tourists come. Case and point? The MET has their costume institute filled with an exhibit on Superhero costumes. http://www.metmuseum.org/special/se_event.asp?OccurrenceId={5B98D8A0-AB67-4137-8F5E-873FDB82EE73}&HomePageLink=special_c3a

~ The Rest: Shakespeare in the Park, Lemon Ice King of Corona ices, Coney Island, Yankee Stadium, mojitos at Asia De Cuba, street fairs, the lingering smell of halal meat in the humid air, the sound of flip flops of women on the sidewalk, the available parking on the Upper East Side, air conditioned cabs, A Midsummer Night's Swing at Lincoln Center, Mr. Softees parked by the parks, air conditioners dripping down on the sidewalks, owners giving their dogs bottles of Poland Spring, Monday night movies at Bryant Park...

For some Lovin' Spoonful and cool lyrics like Cool Cat looking for a Kitty: http://youtube.com/watch?v=1fxhebNeFXk

"Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought!" ~ Jane Eyre

Mute Monday: Competition

My favorite competition scene: MAMBO AT THE GYM! Sharks take it. Period. Ladies, you know you secretly love Bernardo. :)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=II2uaRmlQNg

For a great mac and cheese recipe and a great chocolate cake recipe (I made both this weekend), click on my food blog:
http://epicureanescapades.blogspot.com/

"I should say I loved you..." ~ Jane Eyre

Perhaps I have not been entirely truthful.

I have been writing these past few months...just not all of my words have been here on the blog. I have a red moleskin notebook that has been filled with my thoughts of him since the night after our first date, now almost four months ago. The notebook has been by my nightstand, in his eyesight without knowing what it was. It was my way of expressing myself to him in moments where the feeling was too intense to carry in my heart alone, but not emote directly to him due to my vulnerabilities. Only a few weeks ago did I finally have the courage to share it with him, and that moment was intense for me...it was, indeed, one of the most vulnerable moments I have had in my life.

There are an infinite number of reasons as to what makes him a best friend, a best boyfriend, and a best lover to me. One of the quintessential reasons is that he never makes me feel I ever have to be self-conscious about my emotions, thoughts, and feelings; he is so accepting of who I am, just as I am accepting of who he is.

I didn't intend to share my writing here, but he encouraged me to do so. I wont share more than one, and this is the one I want to share with one significant addendum: the trust referred to has, indeed, been earned and given freely...

March 2, 2008

This bed smells like us...as if we embedded ourselves into the fabric of the sheets as we made love and unfolded into each thread. I think of you in this moment ~ your eyes, forearms, lips, hands, chin, chest, skin. I love touching your skin...smelling your skin. I love the color of your skin and the contrast of the tones of our hands when we lock our fingers together.
What I hate is that I cannot put my thoughts into my speech on matters of my feelings pertaining to you. I am still angry at myself for breaking down last night and giving into your interrogation of me - of my thoughts when it comes to you. What do you want to know? I feel like nothing I express could even be believed by you right now. More time must pass. I feel as though time is against me, and for you as well. Trust must be earned, not given freely. I do not trust you completely ~ not yet.

"Her beauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls..." ~ Jane Eyre

Mute Monday: Beauty (is in the eye of the beholder...)




Me in the mirror at Onteora B and B in true Whitman form, celebrating myself after 30 years of struggling to do so and finally triumphing...