“Then you have some secret hope to buoy you up and please you with whispers of the future?” ~ Jane Eyre

The images on the passbooks from the bank are apropos: flowers. One has a large pink rose, and the other has orchids. He teased me about it this morning at the bank, but I think that they are the perfect covers, housing the contents of our blossoming future together.

Late this morning we planted the first financial seeds of our future as partners and opened up a savings account and a CD. Right now its not much, but within a year or so it will grow as its fed, and it is going to be exciting to see what they will look like when they bloom. Our new bathroom with dual sinks? A portion of our wedding reception? Whatever it is, it is going to be absolutely wonderful.

I cannot think of a better morning...I woke up in his arms and stayed there, not having to daydream at all because it is never necessary when your dream is literally holding on to you. Kisses filled the morning, even en route to the bank. When we sat down together and did the paperwork, I felt such a sense of inner bliss like I have never felt before. It was the first of many times we would sit side by side at the bank. The future holds checking accounts, a mortgage, college funds for our children, retirement funds. And through it all I know I will look over at the Prince with as much love and admiration as I did this morning, proud to be by his side and even more proud of the team we make together.

After the bank, we had lunch together and I was literally resisting the urge to skip in the parking lot and in the gourmet deli. The sun was shining and after we parted with kisses this afternoon, I came home and walked down the path and saw, for the first time this season, crocuses growing and beginning to bloom in the garden.

"Seemed to swim round me..." ~ Jane Eyre

For over two hours this past Friday, the Prince and I had the pool and jacuzzi at the Simsbury Inn to ourselves. It was a quiet day at the Inn, and though my plan was to relax in the jacuzzi the entire time, the Prince had other plans for me once he found out that...well...

I was never formally instructed on how to swim.

Granted, we had an above ground pool growing up in my house that was no more than four feet and I went in, underwater even, with goggles and loved being in the water. However, I was never given formal training and could no nothing more to truly stay afloat than a simple paddle. I am not always comfortable in the water - there has always been fear on some level and I have never truly been a risk taker in the water.

So with his perfect combination of patience, encouragement, and ability to tune into the best way I learn - detailed verbal instructions - he taught me the first basics of swimming, including how to truly float. I never thought twice about trusting him as he held me, and I never doubted his intuition of when to let go of me and allow me to do it on my own. After a while, I was able to not only float in the water, but thanks to his tutelage, navigate myself as I floated. He also taught me how to use my hands in the water when I swim and where to position my legs as I kicked. Granted, I shall never be Dana Torres, but I look forward to the next time I am in a pool.

Sometimes after a weekend or a getaway, the Prince asks what my favorite part of it was. As we grow together, its always harder to pinpoint a specific moment. This getaway is case and point. I loved each and every minute of it with him, especially in the pool together. With slight embarrassment but complete confidence he wouldn't tease me about it, I told him a story when we were in the pool together about how, as a young girl in my pool, I would daydream that I was a mermaid in the water, waiting for my Prince to come. Of course daydreams never truly are like reality, because my Prince is a better Prince than this mermaid ever dreamed up.

"But it must be ready the moment we return..." ~ Jane Eyre

I smiled when I looked at the cover of my New Yorker yesterday evening when I returned home. The date of the issue is September 15th - the day I start my new job in the city - and the title of the cover is "New York Moment."

As a young woman, I always daydreamed about a New York City romance, and in a few short months it becomes a reality when the Prince returns for his final year in an LLM program. As hectic and busy as our schedules will be both professionally and socially, I am looking forward to the moments where we get to steal some time and meet after class and work in Greenwich Village - whether it is for naninis at the Indian Bread Company (oh how I crave those again) or chocolate martinis at the Fat Black Pussycat (something the Prince introduced me to a few months ago there). I want us to also have drinks at one of my favorite bars that will now be a few minutes away from my building, Meade's Gastropub, and I want to do a power dinner with my Esquire at Delmonico's one evening. I know we are going to make this it an Isle of joy as much as we possibly can, just as Ella sings it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCxkUPZ4ZhI

Though for now, dear readers, we are off to the country. The Prince, in all of his goodness that I am thankful for, is taking me away tomorrow to a country Inn in Connecticut as a getaway for us to relax before I begin my new professional life on Wall Street. Our plans for the next three days include nothing more than ordering room service, wearing big, fluffy bathrobes, drinking lots of Prosecco, and venturing to a local museum or two.

Until then, dear readers, have a lovely few days and remember to live each moment passionately and make it a charmed life...

"All your sisters have done for me..." ~ Jane Eyre

As sad as the past few days have been, it is important to remember the essence of life and celebrate that. This photo of my sister's and I with Jack was taken at his birthday celebration last week; the Prince took this one and its my favorite one of the four of us. I have glanced at it dozens of times already, and I always smile as wide as I am in the photo. The only thing I dont like is that I had my hair straight for the day - this shot would have been perfect if my curls were in it as well...matching everyone else's! What you see on my nephew's face is a face painting of...what else...Thomas the Tank Engine!

"Eat when excited..." ~ Jane Eyre

One of the more poignant scenes in Sex and the City is when Charlotte breaks down in front of Carrie, hysterical crying after Carrie calls her out on a fear she has. She can hardly speak through her sobs, but she manages to say that life is too good, too perfect, and too wonderful right now and something has to go wrong...how can one be so blessed with such happiness? Carrie reminds her that she has been through enough pain in her life, and its time to enjoy the joy. And in the end, Charlotte does.

I think the movie addressed the issue that it is possible to have your cake and eat it, too. The etymology of that statement is an interesting one. It dates back to 1596 as a metaphorical idiom for what is impossible - you cant eat cake and then have it because you already had it! Still, what we think is impossible in our daily lives may be possible. Its a simple kind of hope that is as plain as a vanilla cupcake, but also as sweet as one.

I feel like Charlotte in this moment - I am so thankful for all of my blessings, but at the same time I fear having it all because life is seemingly perfect right now. I expressed that to my cousin, Steph, the other evening. The eve of my thirtieth birthday was one of the darkest moments of my life, and everything seemed impossible to obtain and turn around and fix both personally and professionally. And then, as if it were the exact moment I made my wish on that piece of birthday cake, the impossible became possible and my dreams were sliced like a cake because they soon became the best reality.

And so, readers, there is a moment in Jane Eyre where Jane leaves her career in education for good and comes into her own wealth as she looks towards her future with Rochester. This is the moment where I leave education and move on to making real money in a new job. I have a new career, I have my Prince, I have the best family and friends, and I have been given the ingredients to make a cake that I am going to have and eat, too. As tempted as I am to cry like Charlotte and worry that this will all be lost, I remember that this was not given to me. I worked for this, just like I will work to make this cake and sweat over it until its ready for the taking, and will enjoy the sweets of my labor...

"To glory..." ~ Jane Eyre

The small footprints next to mine in the sand belong to Jack as we go by the shore and I write his name with my toes in the sand and we giggle together as the water washes it back into its vastness and I hold the little King high above the waves because he is too royal to be beneath them even swimming...out children should lead us, we shouldnt be leading them...they know what is best, even if that includes eating tons of snacks in a beach chair at age three years old, rotating mini bags of popcorn and goldfish crackers. We build castles together in the sand and I hope that I have enough power one day to build him better castles and protect him always...always. My sisters in the sand appear as an oasis to me as their images are intertwined with my parents - just as mine is - as we pass on all the glory of a day at the beach to the child. Robin's patience as Jack tries to play frisbee with her and her boyfriend and my sister's reassurance to him when he shows doubt echo as loud as the ocean breeze in my ear of past family excursions to Jones Beach. The moment where Robin and I hold him at the shoreline as the waves crash is one of bliss, because our love for him as his aunts is stronger than all the oceans ever washing across all of the lands of this earth. We spend hours here and I never want to leave...he doesnt want to leave, either. If I could send a message in a bottle on this day to someone I would say in my note that life is glorious...live the life...viva la vida. No money, stocks, gas, oil, war, athletic competitions, elections, or celebrities have anything to do with the purity of this moment on this day, and we forget this too often. I see other families smiling and laughing with their children around us and I have faith and hope that the earth will heal itself with the love we have for our future children. Their potential is as vast as the sea and we need to let them rule our hearts... and not let them be ruled by the tyrants that have turned this world into a tempest...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE

"While such honey-dew fell..." ~ Jane Eyre

Its Saturday night and I am listening to "Honey, Honey" from the Mamma Mia soundtrack, keeping up with my latest ABBA kick since Wednesday night when I saw the film with sis Missy. I am totally thinking of the Prince as I sip a cocktail made with vodka and valencia/mango juice in a blue martini glass and am singing along to lyrics such as "Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey..." He is on his way here soon, and as the song goes, I feel like I wanna sing when you do your thing.

Life is as sweet as honey lately and as thickly rich. I was cruising in the car earlier with the sunroof open, blasting ABBA, looking at the blue skies, sipping the bottom caramel layer of an iced caramel macchiato, and totally enjoying the moment of bliss because I feel the most relaxed and the most secure than I have in a great while.

So far, thirty has been the best year in my entire life, and I am so excited for the rest of the year to unfold. I wouldnt trade this moment for anything, and I wouldnt go back to my twenties if I had the chance. I was a dancing queen at seventeen and loved that time until college ended, and then I feel like I wasted a lot of emotions in my early twenties. I love that I am able to take a chance on me once again and change my lifestyle these days. Indeed, lately I give myself credit for being a super trooper and forging ahead despite some hard obstacles. I can spend more time doing things I love, like reading historical fiction that recounts the moments in the battle of Waterloo. In the end, I think I have figured out the name of the game, and I have never been happier because I am the winner taking it all.

So, what's your favorite ABBA song and why? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P3SWl0EAAs

"Then her soul sat on her lips, and language flowed..." ~ Jane Eyre

My boyfriend and I have both been reflective about the strong components of our relationship of late. I have to say that the connection of creativity is one of the many strong dynamics of our partnership.

Last night we wrote a poem together, in bed, stemming from an exercise of choosing words, writing separate poems, and then combining the two. He said that our poem needs to be edited, but I prefer it in its raw form right now. As for the last stanza, well, after sharing moments like this with him, it is impossible for me to imagine not writing poetry with him for all the days to come...

Missed Pain
by Amy and A.K.J.

Under duress
I allow the light
slowly
through the window pane.

The loss of night.
The loss of you.

Without you I cannot move.
I cannot feel,
I cannot do.

The pleasure I derive wanes.

While the night grants us
another moment,
I still cannot breathe.

And,
without you,
I cannot live.
I cannot be.

For you are finally intertwined with me.

"The moon rose with such majesty..." ~ Jane Eyre


He and I spent the past two days amidst the landscapes of the Catskill mountains. Each moment was surrounded by majestic mountains, vibrant flowers, breathtaking views, lush greens, and sweet smelling air. The environs were also decadent, with a cottage room filled with Japanese prints and a zen-like feel. The photos he took show all of the bounty that encompassed us, and taking it all in had a dreamlike feel to it. There are posts to come about our romantic getaway, but they all deserve this preface...

This early afternoon I stood in the shower with a skylight above me and views of the foliage from the window. Literally soaking it all in, tears came to my eyes, immediately blending into the water that ran down on me. All of this - this majesty, this uncultivated perfection, this beauty around me - is nothing compared to the soul of the man I was with here. There is more vitality in him than there is in the lilacs I smelled...there is more passion in him than in the petals of the red roses on the grounds...there is more majesty in him than the the regal mountains outside of the door this morning...

"Fell in love with..." ~ Jane Eyre

If he and I were to be characterized in terms of a piece of art, it would probably be one of my most loved: The Nighthawks by Edward Hopper. I fell in love with this other piece of art yesterday, a song, the moment I heard it when I was lying next to him. http://youtube.com/watch?v=SQO7IUrqXqY
Yesterday evening I ran into the very coffee shop where, in essence, this commenced over three months ago. I was grabbing two espressos for us before dinner and glanced at the table we sat at, smiling to myself as I ordered from the barrista. There is something about love in a coffee shop that is cliche, but you have to figure that there is not much else two people do but converse without distraction, sipping warm goodness with an opportunity to share conversation for hours. If you are fortunate, the person warms you more than what you are sipping at your lips warms you. I remember almost a week later after that meeting, which was never meant to be a date, we were back there sipping coffee and reading the Times on a date. Except we didnt read the Times. We just kept talking, and the conversation has not ceased. It has been a path of continual conversing that grows richer with each word in passing. As the lyrics go to the song, I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down/I want to come too.

I suppose what this blog needs is me spending time in a coffee shop with a red eye, infusing some more writing here lately and continuing a path I have made for over two years. Honestly, I am not myself lately, but I am happy not to be myself, for these recent moments in coffeeshops and elsewhere, have rendered me speechless.

And for the first time in my life...I love being speechless.

"My whim is gratified..." ~ Jane Eyre

As a child, I read plenty of fantasy fiction, from Tolkien to Lewis to Juster. One of my favorite movies was The Last Unicorn, which, ironically, I just learned that Christopher Lee was the voice of King Haggard (whom I recall in animation looked a lot like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons). To this day, I remember the lyrics to the song; I had watched the film dozens of times and am still disappointed to know that the rumors of a remake are false; they started back in 2005 and nothing has come to fruition.

Once I became a teenager, I pretty much abandoned fantasy fiction, and during college was pretentious and became all about the canon. I don't even really recall reading current fiction during my college years; it was strictly the classics until I started teaching. The most recent return to fantasy fiction was, of course, thanks to Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Still, they are the only characters I have read about in fantasy fiction as an adult until recently...

One of the first things my boyfriend and I started sharing when we began dating are books. We are both avid readers, though our taste in fiction differs, which makes sharing books all the more exciting. He is a fantasy fiction reader, and when he told me about a particular series last Sunday, I asked if I could borrow them.

On Tuesday night, I came home after a long day of recruiting to two books with a note from him that meant the world to me. The books that were left to borrow are by Naomi Novik who writes the Temeraire series. http://www.temeraire.org/ I am already halfway through His Majesty's Dragon and am so glad there are three more books after this one, because I am devouring it. I highly recommend the book to fellow bloggers. This is the first time in a long time that I am reading fantasy fiction, and I am enjoying it on so many levels, one being that I am experiencing books that he enjoys so very much. I feel that a passion I had as a child is renewed once again thanks to him.

"Providence has blessed my endeavours..." ~ Jane Eyre

Last night we gathered at my sister's for fish dinner - tilapia seasoned with Old Bay and fresh lemon and shrimp with linguine with diced tomatoes and fresh basil. Prior to dinner, Robin and I colored eggs with Jack. My parents arrived as we were coloring the eggs. Normally, Jack greets people with a big smile and little dance, his aunties included, but my parents are the exception. He runs into their arms for big hugs. I took this photo just as he ran into my father for a hug yesterday evening.

I think it shall become one of my favorite photos of my father and of Jack. In this quick moment I was able to capture the intensity of love on my father's face for his grandson, and able to capture my nephew's absolute adoration of his "Pah." It is still hard for me to look at it without getting teary.

I do not take the moments I have with my family for granted. I am blessed. Truly, I am. We are having such a wonderful holiday celebration together; I know I am fortunate to have these moments, and I capture as many as I can in my heart, for I know we all get older, things change. Thankfully, my family, and their spirit, is always a constant.

"I thought only of the bliss..." ~ Jane Eyre

My hair is sopping wet because my body is too tired to even hold my hairdryer. Instead, my wet curls create streaks of dark grey against the light grey material of his baseball t-shirt which I keep grabbing the collar of and placing it to my nose because it smells like him. Sleeping in this shirt will make sleeping alone tonight easier. I sip some DuBoeuf Beaujolais and think back to sitting on the couch together with wine in hand, laughing at a cork that ended up in the bottle. I think about how so many things in life seem impossible, like ships in bottles, and try to remember that even that is possible. It is possible to experience bliss for days at a time, even in ways that may seem subtle and prosaic. Perhaps in the end those moments are when bliss can truly happen. Like pulling over on a road to look at the ocean in a small corner of a shoreline and taking photos of each other. Like running your fingers through his thick, dark hair as he sleeps, inhaling deeply as you listen to him breathe. Like eating leftover sag paneer and roti for breakfast together. Like standing out on a deck having an animated discussion about politics and NPR's responsibility to listeners as you wrongfully hold a menthol between your fingers and exhale at the sheer awe of his ideas. Like listening to Sinatra sing "My Funny Valentine" as you drive towards Atlantic City. Moments more private, moments in public, moments in a car stuck in traffic. Mostly moments of laughter. Moments you would like to bottle up and taste over and over again. In a recent moment, I was told that I am a hopeless romantic. I don't think that is true. Perhaps a hopeful romantic, but I do not see romance through rose colored glasses. I can see it clearly, realistically. Pragmatically enough to know that such blissful moments with a special man are not common, but unique and to be savored. And, above all else, to be discernibly thankful for.

"He hews down like a giant..."~ Jane Eyre

It is just a game, but it is more than a game.

The nature of the sport becomes a metaphor for life. As a Giants fan, it was about my team winning, but as a human being, it was about showing the world the power of the underdog. In the end, the latter meant more.

When no one believes in you, you believe in yourself. Easier said than done? I think last night proved that it can be done. I am no football expert, but I know a play of passion and fire when I see one. Literally, Eli was getting pulled down by those wanting to see him fail, and he hung on and would not allow himself to fall. He pulled himself out with courage, and still managed to complete his objective in life at that moment. And then David slew Goliath when he cought the football on his helmet, as if to show the world that if you literally put your mind to it, you can acheive glory.

Of course my real heroes are the defensive team lead by one of the other greatest Mike's in sports' history. They fought and fought and fought and managed to hold back those who were favored. Why they were favored, I do not know. I think they cheated to get to the top, their coach has no sense of sportsmanship, and their quarterback is all bravado. It just goes to show you that nice guys finish first, and those who have heart and a sense of family will prevail in the end.

My voice is gone from screaming, I am exahusted, and I ate and drank too much last night. But I am a happy woman. Tomorrow my city has a tickertape parade and illustrates to people everywhere that the underdogs' spirit can and will make them winners. Whatever is an obstacle in your life that is favored to overtake you means nothing. Keep your hope and passion, like my boys, and you will win in this life.

(*On a lighter note: even my favorite ad was about the underdog winning! Click here for the Coca-Cola balloon commercial - go to quarter three: http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads?NCID=aolcmp00300000002574*)

"The world-redeeming creed of Christ...." ~ Jane Eyre

Christmas Present: Stealing a few moments at the computer. The Yule log is on tv. I am still in pajamas after making breakfast for my parents - sunny side up eggs with bacon and toast with lots of coffee. Last night's revelry at my boyfriend's parents' home was lovely: warm, cozy, and festive. I made a stuffed shrimp dish that everyone finished, which made me happy. My favorite gift was the beau's Christmas card to me, even above the teal blue Ipod Nano he gave me, which was an amazing surprise. Robin called from England and was eating the minced pies she made with our family friends. D.R. called from Iraq and is serving dinner to his men today as they celebrate the holiday in Baghdad. Jack called this morning and gave me a "concert" on his new baby grand piano. After that "conversation", I am trying to locate ear plugs for tonight's big dinner. We are having ham, potato gratin, creamed corn, and biscuits. A change from our usual lamb dinner. Dessert is the present cake from Williams Sonoma, a pumpkin cake I just whipped up last minute and is in the oven as I type, peanut butter and jelly cookies I made, and pignoli cookies that the beau and I made. (*All recipes and photos of the dishes will be on epicurean escapades tomorrow*) I am making peppermint hot chocolate and waiting for this cake to finish so I can get ready for another lovely evening celebrating this special, holy day.

Merry Christmas to All!

"I am only too thankful..." ~ Jane Eyre

Dear She aka K9,

Thank you for creating the most lovely CD cover for me! I love last year's, but this year's has that extra special element, now doesn't it? The above photo is of an ornament on my tree that I have had for at least ten years when my Cleo was alive. It meant a lot that rottiepooch was back this Christmas in spirit, just like Cleo. I hope you are having a lovely Christmas Eve eve and relaxing after all of these amazing covers:http://sparringk9.blogspot.com/
You are an amazing talent and I am so excited to view all that you create and read all that you create in 2008.

With love and deepest thanks,
Lady Jane

PS This week there will be cookie posts on Epicurean Escapades with photos, so check out the recipes!