"There is some difference between living..." ~ Jane Eyre

There is some difference between living for the next moment and living in this moment, grateful for all of the love and beauty in life. When my father's father was dying of cancer, I was in the middle of being a high school production of Our Town. Always remembering Emily Webb's passionate plea to the Stage Manger about living life as you live it, the Stage Manager responds perhaps saints and poets do...maybe. The rest, no. Well, I consider myself a poet...and I try each day both here on this blog and in the life I lead to savor each moment because I know as long as life is, it shall not last forever.

And then there are those saints like Heather, as you see in the photo above, whose lives are tragically cut short by cancer. Although her friends and loved ones refer to her as Heather, she was also known as Dr. Vonbergen. This woman was brilliant, and before she died she was working as a psychologist that was of late working to improve the lives and mental health of recent veterans from Iraq, among all the other things she did to help others.

I am posting this for my sister, because it has pained me to see her in so much pain. There is a link below to a collage her friends made from Cortland, where she and Heather were roommates their freshman year. There are photos I will post at later dates of Heather with us at my sweet sixteen and Heather with my family in New York City for the first time. My dad called her Jazzy Heather - and she began signing her name that way to my parents in cards - she loved jazz music. So, I am posting a classic jazz song for everyone to listen to today...enjoy life, call your friends and loved ones to tell them you love them, and please just take five minutes out of your day to donate money so that future lives can be saved from this terrible form of cancer.

http://web.me.com/scottcd/Tribute_to_Heather_Vonbergen/Heather.html (a tribute)

http://www.curesarcoma.org/ (please donate)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfduB-0lss (a charmed life - some jazz for Heather who lived one until the end)

"All your sisters have done for me..." ~ Jane Eyre

As sad as the past few days have been, it is important to remember the essence of life and celebrate that. This photo of my sister's and I with Jack was taken at his birthday celebration last week; the Prince took this one and its my favorite one of the four of us. I have glanced at it dozens of times already, and I always smile as wide as I am in the photo. The only thing I dont like is that I had my hair straight for the day - this shot would have been perfect if my curls were in it as well...matching everyone else's! What you see on my nephew's face is a face painting of...what else...Thomas the Tank Engine!

"To glory..." ~ Jane Eyre

The small footprints next to mine in the sand belong to Jack as we go by the shore and I write his name with my toes in the sand and we giggle together as the water washes it back into its vastness and I hold the little King high above the waves because he is too royal to be beneath them even swimming...out children should lead us, we shouldnt be leading them...they know what is best, even if that includes eating tons of snacks in a beach chair at age three years old, rotating mini bags of popcorn and goldfish crackers. We build castles together in the sand and I hope that I have enough power one day to build him better castles and protect him always...always. My sisters in the sand appear as an oasis to me as their images are intertwined with my parents - just as mine is - as we pass on all the glory of a day at the beach to the child. Robin's patience as Jack tries to play frisbee with her and her boyfriend and my sister's reassurance to him when he shows doubt echo as loud as the ocean breeze in my ear of past family excursions to Jones Beach. The moment where Robin and I hold him at the shoreline as the waves crash is one of bliss, because our love for him as his aunts is stronger than all the oceans ever washing across all of the lands of this earth. We spend hours here and I never want to leave...he doesnt want to leave, either. If I could send a message in a bottle on this day to someone I would say in my note that life is glorious...live the life...viva la vida. No money, stocks, gas, oil, war, athletic competitions, elections, or celebrities have anything to do with the purity of this moment on this day, and we forget this too often. I see other families smiling and laughing with their children around us and I have faith and hope that the earth will heal itself with the love we have for our future children. Their potential is as vast as the sea and we need to let them rule our hearts... and not let them be ruled by the tyrants that have turned this world into a tempest...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE

"With ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly..." ~ Jane Eyre

A few hours ago my nephew, who will turn three in September, was at the door when it was raining; I scooped him up and had him under my umbrella and twirled him around as I sang "Singin' in the Rain" off tune. He still laughed and smiled as I managed not to hit each note, happy to be swinging (and singing) in the rain.

Upon entering the kitchen where my two sisters were, he asked for the umbrella. I said it was wet, but his mom grabbed his plastic Elmo umbrella from the closet so he could play with one. I then started singing again, quietly, but this time catching the ears of my sisters.

The film with Gene Kelly is one that is embedded in the memories of our childhood that sing the notes of happiness we had during that time. It was a film passed on to us by our parents, and they loved it because their parents shared it with them. If we had a soundtrack of our sisterhood, there would be songs from Singing in the Rain.

Missy said that she had the DVD, and Robin said to take it out to show him the scene. It was still wrapped in plastic; she must have had it on the shelf for years without watching it. Still, my sisters and I once had that movie memorized, so there is no real time lost.

The track of the famous scene was 40. Jack stood watching seriously with his Elmo umbrella in hand. Melissa placed a hat on his head, and within a few moments of the scene starting, my nephew proceeded to imitate Gene Kelly in the scene, tapping with the umbrella, twirling it around, hoisting it on his shoulder, and jumping up and down as Kelly splashes in the puddles. He even managed to utter an "Uh Oh" when the policemen enters the end of the scene. It was one of the most adorable moments a child has ever had. Its on video...I have proof...and I will download it to share in the future.

But for now it remains a very private moment. You see, I saw the tears in the corners of my sisters' eyes, and I felt them in my own. There is so much that we want to give to the next generation that has been given to us, including song. For my nephew to share a scene and a song that linked our bond as sisters and daughters and granddaughters to our family was a special moment this evening. These are songs that represent the innocence of childhood, whether it is flying a kite, singing in the rain, or going somewhere over the rainbow. Each time he hears them for the first time, it is like we hear it again for the first time all over again, and its magic.

My brother-in-law had never seen the part of the film since he did not grow up here in America. So seeing him watch it for the first time with Jack was also special; we spent about 45 minute watching this scene and "Good Morning" as Jack danced, and believe me, it was a glorious feeling. (He saw "Make 'Em Laugh" but thought Donald O'Conner was really getting hurt, so we had to cease playing that scene)

Please enjoy a trip down memory lane...though Jack IS fierce competition for Mr. Kelly, folks, as you shall one day see. Hope you are singing if its raining...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bkEvy-9yVyQ

"And again he stood up and tried his foot..." ~ Jane Eyre

It was a quintessential girl's day out in New York City today. My twin and I ventured into Soho for some good eats and pampering; something our busy lives were in need of. We were also in need of some quality sister time and some heart to heart chatting.

The sun was bright and warm as we stepped out of the N/R subway line at Prince street. My favorite New York neighborhood was already bustling with brunchers and shoppers. We walked around before reaching Dos Caminos, a great Mexican restaurant whose sister branch we celebrated our 30th birthday at. Outdoor seating was abundant and enclosed by a wrought iron fence, with diners either drinking sangria, mojitos, or frozen margaritas. All of us ladies ate with sunglasses on, making it all the more easier to gawk at each other in true NYC femme fashion.

Our table was soon filled with guacamole, chips, frozen margaritas, lobster ceviche, and mini grilled chicken tacos. The conversation was filled about both the beauty and the apprehension of new relationships, since both of us are immersed in the newness of two great men. In true sisterhood, both sensitivity and tough loved went back and forth between us two. In the spirit of the day, we both realized that relaxing was the answer, for what is meant to be is meant to be.

And on that note we finished our blissful meal and headed to Bliss Spa Soho, a gift from our dear cousin for our 30th birthday. I love the smell of spas, and Bliss certainly had that mixed smell of peppermint and vanilla that most spas possess as their aroma. Bliss is bright and blue; my sister opted for a facial while I opted for a pedicure. We parted ways since our treatment rooms were on different levels, and the bliss began.

I didn't choose just any pedicure, dear readers. Oh no...

I chose the Double Chocolate Pedicure.

I arrived in the nail salon; the walls were papered with images of a beach. In front of me was a table with iced water and teas and small cookies and pieces of fruit. The racks for the nail polish containers were mounted from the ceiling, and I immediately chose a bright pink for the toes...sexy for spring. My technician was so sweet, and I walked up two steps to sit in the chair and didn't get up for almost an hour and a half after that.

The technician left for a little while and came back with a large, aluminum bowl filled with hot milk and chocolate pieces. I placed my feet in, and from that moment on I was in some other world for the next hour and a half. She was slow and meticulous, and I wished her scrub and massage lasted all day. Little did I realize that the title of the pedicure was literal; I had chocolate at my feet, and within twenty minutes of sitting down, I had chocolate at my mouth. A bowl of chocolate ice cream topped with whipped cream and cinnamon was presented to me. Imagine: sitting in a chair with your feet soaking in chocolate as you eat chocolate; I shall never be skeptical of the spa's name...never ever.

So as stressful and busy as life has been lately, I know I am so fortunate to have a day like this with my sister, in the best city in the world, doing something good for ourselves. I hope you do something nice for yourself this weekend...

Treat yourself to some Bliss, too!
http://www.blissworld.com/

"My sisters will be your sisters..." ~ Jane Eyre

During senior year of high school when my sister and I worked on productions together, my drama director would sing a bar from the tune that Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen made famous as the Haynes sisters...along with their big blue ostrich feathers...in the film White Christmas. We were usually arguing about something, so he belted the tune out with a smirk on his face, which then made us laugh, and then we let the argument go. (Though it would usually resurface an hour or so later...)

And if you are wondering if we got his reference, oh yes indeed. That was one of my favorite Christmas films as a child. Even at a young age, I truly valued the ending because of what I knew about my grandfathers' serving in World War II. It didn't take much to understand how much of a hero the General was in the film for getting all of his men, Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye included, home alive.

I have spent all 28 Christmas mornings with my sister, and this year is the first Christmas I shall not see her Christmas Day. Oh, its all lovely things. She has decided to have an old fashioned English Christmas with our family friends in Britain. I am thrilled for her, and for them, and I know she is going to revel in the delightful aspects of Christmas across the pond. I recognize how spoiled I am in many ways, because this is a vacation after all and she isn't moving or anything! Still, I feel a bit melancholy about it. Kind of like how Rosemary Clooney felt a bit melancholy when she went to New York without Vera Ellen who stayed behind in Vermont.

And in an ironic twist, such as the ironic plot twists in White Christmas, I am upset because I do not get the same ending as the General. He gets his soldiers back and celebrates Christmas with them all. I do not get my soldier back...he is in the red zone south of Baghdad this holiday and not with me and my family. I don't even know if I will get to talk to him. I haven't heard his voice since September - just erratic emails and IM's here and there since he is so engrossed in the amazing work his brigade is doing.

So this Christmas Day I will not have my sister with me, or one of my best friends. So I am going to just dream of a white Christmas for next year, knowing I will have the two of them with me that day just like the ones I used to know.

"Came along the corridor, her cap flying wide..." ~ Jane Eyre

A few months ago, I was sitting at the New Amsterdam Theatre in New York City surrounded by my sisters, my mother, and my grandmother. We went to see Mary Poppins, which turned out to be as magical as the movie. And I should know; I think I saw that movie at least 200 times as a child, along with my sisters. Oh, and my mother and grandmother, for they were always forced to watch it with us.

I became emotional during a scene I didn't expect, which was for the song "Lets Go Fly a Kite." I think it is because the song was repeated at the end of the film, when the Banks family was finally united after a period of strain and turmoil. No family is perfect, and mine has certainly seen itself through strain and turmoil, and thankfully we are all still a close, tight-knit unit.

In my heart, I longed for Jack during the show. He is still to young, but a part of me wished he was there. There is never a way to know if a child will appreciate the aspects of your childhood. The best you can do is expose them and hope. And that afternoon, I hoped that Jack would love Mary Poppins as much as his mother and aunts did.

I just didn't realize how soon that would be! And to what degree!

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon...

After hearing "Lets go Fly a Kite" from the soundtrack last month, my nephew has become enthralled with Miss Mary. Of course, he refers to her "Pop Pop." He also loves Bert and can say his name crystal clear, and he loves the Admiral in the film, who he calls "Ameral." His favorite scene from the movie is "Step In Time." I would say on the average day he watches that scene at least twenty times.

When he isn't watching the scene, enthralled, he is imitating Bert. Of late he has grabbed my sister's blush brush (clearly a smaller version of a chimney sweeper) and demands that we clap and sing the song so he can tap around the room like Bert.

So we were in the master bedroom yesterday and I was thinking of various slogans to say to the main chorus of the song as to keep things interesting. I watched him concentrate on his dancing like Bert and smiling as he imitated his idol. I cannot remember a time when I had more fun with him. It felt like nothing skipped a generation, and all that we loved as children came rushing back, renewed. It is like re-exploring old territories, but happier being there the second time around because you already know the bounty that is there.

At one point during our clapping and dancing, my eye caught a book sticking out of my sister's side table in the bedroom. It had a bookmark in it. The title? Mary Poppins Returns by P.L. Travers. I smiled inside and out.

Indeed, Miss Mary has returned to our lives. And as she would say, she is perfect in every single way...